Love it All

I haven't posted in a while.
I wrote this a while ago and was going through my poems and such.
And I found this one!

Sometimes...
My bedroom is a mess.
My laundry is absolutely everywhere.
There's books and papers stacked in random piles,
And my brain is anywhere but here.
Homework is done in a rush,
Flutes are left unpracticed..
Okay, more than sometimes.
But deep down deep,
Everything is okay.
Because you know;
Life is good.
I have people who love me.
A God who cares for me.
Friends who I can count on,
And things that make me me.
I can bury my nose in a book.
I can write to my hearts content.
I can lose myself on a run,
Or disappear into the viewfinder of my camera.
Life is good, and if it's not, it will be.
Because God knows who you are.
He knows what you need.
And he knows how to give it to you.
He'll give you joy.
He'll give you love.
At exactly the right time.
You just have to realize it.
And you have to use it to sustain you.
Moments like this, where life is a mess but the joy is boundless:
You can't lose them.
You can't forget them.
You have to hold on to them.
You can NEVER let them go.
Because in the dark,
That's what you do.
Look at the light
And remember the warmth.
And love.
Love it all.

To be me

and so she decided
to just be herself.
not what everyone else told her to be.
expected her to be.
wanted her to be.
she decided to be
just her.
nothing else.

but it's funny
how we carry
bits and pieces
of each other with us.
i mean,
we'll never be
Perfectly us.
but we can try.
because when you
truly love someone
you get a part of them.
everyone you love.
and everyone gets a little part of you.

But to be me
I get to decide.
I get to choose.
I'm me.
Fully.
Totally.
Completely.
It's freeing.
You're not looking to
Other people
For expectations
You're not doing what
Everyone
Else is doing.
You're doing
What you want to do.
What God wants you to do
Nothing else.
You have
No chains.
No bondage.
Just an open meadow.
An open meadow
With nothing in it.
You get to create a masterpiece.
Sow the seeds.
Grow the flowers.
Be the most beautiful meadow.
I know
You are capable.

so
she decided
to bloom.
just bloom.
and look
how beautiful she is
now.

I run.

I run.
I run in the rain, in the sunshine, in the wind.
I run on the road and I run on the trail.
I run to feel alive.
I run for the sudden rush of energy, for the mental boost.
I run for the rain on my skin, the cold in the air.
I run to feel the icy burn of hot muscles against the frigid wind.
I run to feel the pavement beneath my feet, telling me I'm still here.
I run for the pain, for the needles and pins.
For the tight train of muscles that shows you've worked hard.
I run because the pain makes me feel alive.
I defeat it, I conquer it, I am victorious inside.
It tells me I'm ere, I'm not dead and gone.
The ever pounding footsteps saying that life will go on.
I run for the thrill, for the speed and the place,
I run for the feeling of being first in my race.
I run because that is my glad, one of my desires,
I run to build my strength.
But, most of all.
I run because God gave me legs; and then he told me what to do.
He said to run to my heart's content, that is what's true.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

It's thanksgiving day, far far away, and the mother goes outside to watch her kids play. The sun is setting- the darkness comes down, and no streetlights come on to light up this town. A tiny light flickers above the windowpane, and the father stands in the door, wearily resting on the doorframe. The mother turns to him with a beautiful smile; he reaches out his arms and just holds her for a while. He's thankful for all of the days that they've had, thankful that his job isn't really that bad. Thankful that he earns enough to get by, and so very thankful that his kids never cry, "Daddy I'm starving!" or "Dad I'm so cold," for there's food on the table even if the ceiling grows mold. The slums that they live in are very diverse, and right across the way is a mother singing another verse. She's rocking a baby and holding her tight, praying that God will bring sleep on this night. She's thankful for her neighbor, who's girl earns her way by tending and caring for the baby each day while the mom goes to work, just earning enough to get by, to put food on the table and not have to lie--lie down on a dirt floor with no roof for their heads, instead they get a small shack, including a bed. Yes, there is much to be thankful for on  this Thanksgiving night.
Now it's thanksgiving here, and what do we do? We fill ourselves full and pay all our dues. We make up the turkey and bake all the bread, and say our prayers politely with dreams in our head. We fill ourselves to bursting and pile on more. We pray for needy strangers but then shut and lock the door. There is so much we could do if we'd only look about; if we could stand up from our chairs and stray from our culture's route.

That being said, I think Thanksgiving is awesome. It's a time where family and friends can get together and share a meal; a delicious meal. It's a time when people join together and be thankful.
There are so many things I'm thankful for.
So many beautiful, wonderful things.

The Night the Sky Decided to Cry

Thunder and Lightning
The rain comes down.
It tries to drown out every sound.
With pounding drops and clouds overhead,
No one really lies safe in bed.
The little ones sit up, their fists in their ears.
The teenagers smile; they aren't the only ones with tears.
For the sky has decided to cry on this night,
It thunders and shouts- no one dares put up a fight.
Where are the words with the clouds cave in?
Where are the shouts when the thunder wins?
The sky is wet, but the eyes are dry,
As their minds wonder why the sky decided to cry.
Because those are tears rolling down your windowpane.
The tears of the wounded, the broken, insane.
And the thunder is roaring with anger unseen.
And the lightning proclaims; it wants the world to be clean.
It flashes, it flickers, it worries and shouts,
Until the thunder finally decides to come about.
Together they work, always in harmony,
While the rain pounds out the peaceful melody.
A thunderstorm is scary, it's wild and feared.
It's a beautiful horse that's drawn back and reared.
There is beauty in the rain.
There is cleansing from the pain.
Because in this night,
The sky decided to cry.

Montana Big Sky

I wrote this while on a trip this summer. We drove through Montana, and the sky wanted to swallow us up, and I wondered...what would my life be like here? 

The rolling hills seem to call my name. 

Brown with dead grass,

Rolling to nowhere. 

Speckled with shrubs, 

Shadowed by larger hills-

Taller hills,

Almost mountains. 

They tell stories to me-

Tales of the girl I would've been here. 

Flying through the dry grass-

A horse of my own. 

Cowgirl hat on my head,

Reins firm in my hands. 

Completely free. 

Free to be my own me. 

Free from society,

Of what other people think. 

Just me. 

Me and my Montana Big Sky. 

Too Much {Inspired by Noise, a song by Colton Dixon}

The world was spinning around and around, stars flashing before her eyes. Blues and reds and whites and purples buzzed around, blinding and beautiful and disorienting. Everything was black, all except those lights. Stretching out a hand desperately, she tried to catch hold of something, anything that she could hold onto, but there was nothing, and everything was begging for her attention.
"Me, Me, Me" They all seemed to be chanting as they buzzed around her, flying in her ears, into her eyes, attacking her back, her hands, her cheeks. "Me, Me, Me, Me."
A panic arose in her chest, and she fell to her knees, chest rising and falling rapidly, heart pounding wildly. A cold sweat dripped down her neck, and she covered her eyes, shaking her head.
"No, no, no, everyone go away, everyone go away!" She cried softly, tipping over and curling into a ball. But nothing was going to go away, they never went away. They knew she would stand up and try her best to pay attention to all of them again, eventually just to fall back down. She knew she needed to abandon some of them, leave them behind, but they were all calling so loudly and she wasn't sure of which one to let go.